Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I Slept With A Fat Woman

It's not nice to say fat these days. Yes, i know. But i really don't care. My eyes are bloodshot and i feel a little woozy. Also, i spent a major portion of the night having an "out-of-body" experience. Because i could not bear to associate myself with the poor squashed creature being mangled by a well padded bottom. I'll explain.
I was travelling from Goa to Bombay, alone, brave, freshly separated from the love of my life, slightly teary and definitely not in the mood to be felt up by a weird man. So i did the "smart" thing and asked to be seated next to a lady. Right away! And bingo, i found myself perched on a sleeper next to a sweet (oh how ignorant we are) beaming, little (oh how ignorant we are) lady.
She beamed, i beamed back, through oodles of dirt and Goa tan. She didn't miss my teeth, my face offset them very well. And altogether we had a mighty pleasant beaming session. How else is one supposed to greet a stranger you share a bed with for a night!
So far, so good.
Then our lady of the beams decided to sleep. And boy...there have been times when I've thought myself capable of murder, but none as intense as THESE! She just would NOT sleep. She would twist and turn and moan (with no help from me, thankuverymuch) every single second. This, coupled with my aching neck, no less than three persistent mosquitoes, three more imaginary ones and a very large and space consuming bottom reduced me to an angry young woman indeed! How i survived to tell the tale, i will never know. But i did survive and today, you know a woman, who almost got squashed to death, by a beaming face with a huge bottom. But survived. To tell the tale.

8 comments:

nu-sense said...

:-)

nice to see ur back

i was in gokarna too, by the way - last week. For the first time.

place was nice, but too many whites.

Gunbuzzy said...

haha. nice! i love goks.
goa is worse. ONLY whites. ugh.

Just me again! said...

You are back blogging - AND over your self-flagellating? Fantastic!!
Now tell us what the trip itself was like - whites or not. :D

Gunbuzzy said...

hehehe.
yes, me i is back :)
and hopefully no self flagellation anymore!

arsetard said...

shit, you actually write well... nice nice.. cheers!

skyblue+seagreen said...

Ha ha ha ha . Meera I am just visualizing the experience.

Jean said...

Lol

Sounds like you had quite an experience!!

^_^

malted socktail said...

CALAMITIES!!!
men with gastroentitis (how medical people remember so many spellings, leaves me flabbergasted) (trust me, theyll put literature students to shame)
are worse... or those huge families (wouldnt be racist so i woudnt mention jaath) travelling with food et al. or worse even

a bunch of school girls on excursion... i know what im talking bout !! that experience took my train fantasy and stuck it reallly where the sun dont shine !