I've been told, a Sari is the most elegant outfit ever designed. Obviously, being an Indian and blessed with a major portion of South Indian hips..I'm inclined to agree. However, saris are not really all they are made out to be. Elegant all right, but how does one WEAR the bloody thing. They've designed denim saris, saris with every colour on the palette, saris with swarovski's enough to blind the layman and saris with cheetah print for the more adventurous types. But all i want to know is..why in God's name did they not design a sari with a ZIPPER?
I tried donning one, one fine rainy morning in Tiruchirapalli, i was supposed to accomplish this Herculean feat in ten minutes no less and also manage to make my face look presentable and nice Tam Bram girl like, with "jimikis" and etc. What i did manage to do however...was not find that end which you tuck in and scream for five minutes flat at a poor kurta clad fellow who was trying HIS best to carry off the "crinkled cotton" look on an unironred kurta. Amidst all this i did manage to somehow stuff my sari in with unhelpful sniggers from the kurta clad fiend and echoing sounds of "waacck". "Waack" by the way...is no form of endearment, it is the rudest insult made a la Calvin, accompanied by the tongue sticking out gesture! Hurt and unhot, i managed to convey my well disguised anger with a dirty look, that silenced the naysayer. What i had NOT accounted for while stuffing my Sari...was a car journey into the depths of Tamilnadu...no less than THREE HOURS LONG. As luck would have it, my sari fell apart, leaving me looking like a rather large ball of distended silk and dangling jimiki. I frantically dialled the number of my Dancing Burmese Princess rescuer. She calmed me down sufficiently.
What i had not accounted for was a lost driver who instead of taking me straight into the arms of my Dancing Princess, instead landed a sleeping "satire" and me in the jaws of death. Jaws of death being a wedding hall complete with colour, the charm of of old chettinad and about a hundred thousand staring eyes. How i managed to get away..i do not know. But even as my charming rescuer, meticulously and sexily clad in her perfectly arranged sari managed to restore me to a presentable state, i learnt a lesson. Oh no, it is not that i will never try draping on a sari again. It is more like i will invent a sari..WITH a zipper. Maybe rain proof plastic also?? If Our Lady Of Shoes (J.Jayalalitha) wears bullet proof ones I'm sure zippers are not far away.