Monday, June 21, 2010

How To Hook An Auto-driver

I initially intended this post to be about Aggressive Over-weight Women. But the fact that I believe in karma and do not wish to become fat and aggressive at any point in the future. I held back. However, let it be known, that I not only dislike confrontation, I also despise aggression. There is no such thing as healthy aggression. And if you are aggressive with me, I will be just about as nice to you, as I will to some form of infectious eczema.

Now that I have that off my chest. Let me also inform you (pretty uselessly) that I also intended this post to be about Very Nice People. If you are a Very Nice Person, I'm sorry but I don't trust you. Don't take it to heart. It is just my deeply suspicious nature. You may smile at me guilelessly, but I am likely to wonder if there is a joke lurking under that lack of guile. If you are in fact mocking smile-lessly. Sick, right? I'm sorry Very Nice Person. I wish I could love you. But the news, advertising and creepy men across the street, have infected me with suspicion. I can't believe in you. Even if you made me chicken soup for my terrible cold. (Though I'm willing to keep my mind open on that one).

Now that I have passed on my negativity. Let me get to the original purpose of this post. Auto-drivers. If anyone has been to Bangalore or travelled to and from Andheri have all faced rejection, refusal and contempt from the average auto-driver. You hate these guys, but you need them so bad! I feel you, sister, brother, grandmother and random person.

Auto-drivers are a mean race. But once you crack the code to your average auto-driver. You will NEVER face rejection again.

Here are a few steps.

1: Always remember, an auto-driver is a man. Like all men, he fears neediness. Like all men, he probably likes a chase. So, if you need that auto play... Hard To Get.

Whenever you hail an auto, never let the driver see your eyes. Because then he will notice your needy desperation.

Whenever you hail an auto, pretend there is an empty auto lurking really close. This will make you seem like you don't really give a damn. And that my friend, is a terribly attractive place to be in. Auto-drivers just LOVE that forbidden "sawaari".

2: When hard-to-get doesn't work. I recommend brute force.

Plant your bum in the auto. No matter what he says. Don't budge. He can't really topple you out can he?

However, this method is likely to expose you to a barrage of insults. I personally don't care much for it. But it seems to work.

3: If you are an attractive girl. Smile.
If you are not an attractive girl. Don't smile, beg.

That will be all for today. Thank me, when it works. It's good for my karma.


subu said...

i like my autodrivers bloody. i've beaten them with fists, sticks, stones, company annual reports, really anything. - subu

Meera said...

hahaha. they truly deserve it. the bombay lot are usually better. but bangalore...urgh!

Da Rodent said...

HOLY.. I have a bunch of numbers I can call :P Easier eh :P

Vishnu Raghav said...

Agreed Auto drivers are a mean race. But then again we live in a democracy and they ought to have a right to choose their customer..

Also in Bangalore we mostly walk up to the local auto stand. So its unlikely that you can fool them by showing no desperation.

So why am I supporting them.. ? No, I dont.. If I'd have the power I would ban them all and make people use public transport. If not, make "Dial and Hire" taxis more affordable and available. Hope the Tata Nano can fill this space

Till then we just goota live with the 'mean race' :)